100 Steps to Love
by xxstrawberry16xx
Summary: Follow Shane and Mitchie through 100 different short stories, 100 different steps in their life together. *Smitchie*
1. Blue

_Originally I wasn't going to post this story because it is just a series of Smitchie drabbles/ficlets that I started writing as a part of HoLlIwOoDbOuNd13's 100 word challenge. But then I thought that if I was writing it, then I might as well post it too, and maybe someone would enjoy it. :)_

_This first chapter was inspired a bit by joannacamilley's story "Don't Forget". I hope you don't mind Joanna! Oh and if you haven't read her stories, then go check them out now... they're awesome! :D_

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**1. BLUE**

_**MPOV:**_

Blue.

I have always wondered why the colour blue is in the rainbow. After all the whole sky is blue. Blue just kind of gets lost amidst the other colours. No one really notices it is there.

It seems rather pointless to me.

Kind of like my life after you left.

Pointless.

But then again, maybe blue is my favourite colour, even if it is pointless. It reminds me of you. Although these days everything reminds me of you.

Blue does especially though. Because the colour is so peaceful, so serene and yet seated in it's very core is depression. Blue tricks you into thinking it's something that it's not. Like you did to me.

I read a poem the other day about the rainbow. The author's name was Whisperer. I like that name. It sounds soft and sweet. Like mist on a winter morning. Or ripples on a pond. Or a stand of poplar trees in the breeze. It makes me think of horses.

But then again maybe that's just because of that book.

Anyway, this is what Whisperer said:

**blue **

for the days

when the rain

poured from the sky

and we stood

out there

afraid to move,

in case

we would ruin

that perfect

moment

I liked that. It reminded me of happier times. It reminded me of you.

Shane.

Happier? You might say. I thought it was raining. Well yes, but blue was okay back then… back when you were around. Any colour, any thing was okay as long as you were there.

Even when it rained as long as you were there it was okay. But there haven't been any perfect moments for a long time.

I don't know where you've gone. I don't know what happened to you. One day you left and you never came back. You never called. Now I'm starting to wonder if you were real, or if you were just a figment of my imagination – something I thought up to try and fill the emptiness inside. I don't know how it happened, but now you're gone. Ironically the last time I saw you, well if it was you that is, the sky was blue. Blue but raining. Strange I know. It was probably a sign.

I wish you would come back. The last year I have been walking around miserable, by myself. I have seen you on TV, laughing and talking with your friends, with your band mates, with reporters and TV hosts and celebrities, anyone but me.

Maybe if you came back everything would be okay. Maybe life would be happier. Maybe I could smile again.

But I can't.

And it's because of you.

Blue.

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**A big thank you to whisperingtotherain who let me use her poem in this story. Please go and check out her stories... she's a fantastic writer!**

**And what did you think of that little chapter? In case you're wondering... all of the chapters are going to be short like that. Each one is just meant to be a picture of an emotion that either Mitchie or Shane, later on, is feeling at the time.**

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**Let me know what you thought... :)**


	2. Freedom

_Thanks for reviewing the first chapter. I'm glad to see that some people liked it!_

_Also... just thought I'd warn you that I probably won't be able to update as much as I have been doing. Our broadband allowance got used up totally last night so now we're paying by the second. Boy was dad MAD! :S I will update as much as I can though._

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**2. FREEDOM**

**_MPOV:_**

Today I am walking down to the headland near my house. People think I'm crazy for going there. They say it's too wild, too dangerous. They think I'll catch my death of cold.

Well maybe I will.

And maybe it will serve them right.

But I love the sea. It doesn't scare me. I stand on the wall that is holding the sea back from the town. And today I feel sorry for the sea. Because it's not free – the wall is holding it back.

Just like you are holding me back.

And I can't be free until the wall is broken down.

I stand with my arms outstretched on the very edge of the wall. I am wearing a purple coat. It is one bright dot against an endless ocean of angry grey. I raise my arms above my head, letting the wind whip my hair back, feeling the ocean spray against my face, hearing the snarl of waves crashing beneath my feet.

I'm thinking about you and I'm thinking about freedom.

What does it mean to be free?

Freedom is more than a mere 7 letter word that means that I am not shut up in some dirty jail cell. It is more than a noun that means that I can say and do as I please and no one has the right to tell me otherwise. It is more than having the run of the house when Mom and Dad aren't home. It is more than having no boundaries, of being unrestricted.

Freedom is so much more than that.

You see, I think that there are two different sorts of people in the world. Those who are free and those who are not.

I think that maybe freedom is more of a mental state, where I choose that I am not going to let anyone get me down. Maybe it's being so determined that nothing can hurt me. Maybe freedom is independent of what goes on around me and how other people treat me. Maybe it's all in the mind.

Maybe there are two sorts of people in the world. Those who choose to be free and those who do not.

I sit down, swinging my legs out over the waves that smash against the wall just below me. I am not afraid. I pick up a handful of pebbles, tossing them one by one into the water. And as I sit there I realize that maybe letting go is as easy as throwing a pebble into the ocean.

Maybe all this time I've just been choosing to lock myself in my mental prison. And all I need to do is let go and the doors will open.

I haven't wanted to be free before now. I haven't wanted to let you go.

But maybe if I let you go then you will come back to me.

Maybe that's what you've been waiting for too.

Freedom.

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**What did you think? In that chapter you got a little glimpse into an essay I had to write for English on what freedom meant to me. :P**

**Hope it was okay!**

**:D**


	3. Afraid

_Here's the third chapter. I hope you like it. :D_

_Oh... and thanks for the reviews! You guys are great. :D_

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**3. AFRAID**

**_MPOV:_**

It's a year today since you left. Not that I'm counting.

A year today since life as I knew it ended. A year since you walked out of my life without an explanation, without a final word, without anything.

The phone rings. Mom picks it up. "Mitchie," I can hear her voice calling up the stairs. "Mitchie!"

I don't respond. I used to jump when the phone rang. I used to run to get it, hoping against hope that it would be you. I gave up months ago though. I know you won't call. It's too late for that.

"Mitchie?" Mom's voice is questioning. "Pick up the phone please. It's for you."

"Who is it?" I call back.

"Um…" there is the sound of mumbling and the murmuring of a name that I don't quite catch.

"Who?"

"Just pick it up hon."

I sigh and pick up the cordless phone in the hall, walking back to my room. I press the 'talk' button wearily. I really don't feel like talking to anyone right now.

"Hello?"

"Mitchie!" I drop the phone on my bed and stare at it. I know that voice.

"Mitchie?" I can still hear the voice, although it's faint now because I'm not holding the phone. "Mitchie I know you're there. Please please just let me talk to you."

I shake my head. _Why would I want to talk to you? It's your fault that the last year has been a living hell for me._

"Mitchie please," the faint voice is sounding desperate.

I pick up the phone and hold it against my ear. "Yes?" I say softly. I'm not angry, just tired. I'd let what happened, or rather what didn't happen, between us go. I don't want to talk to you because I know all the bad memories will just come back again.

But as I listen, the voice on the other end sounds broken. You sound broken.

"Mitchie, I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now or ever again. And I totally deserve that, but I really want to explain."

I don't reply, but I'm listening.

"My band mates told me something that wasn't true about you. They said," there was a pause, "well, I don't want to tell you what they said because it really doesn't matter. But the main gist of it was that you were cheating on me and it was giving the band bad publicity and they really didn't want me to be with someone who would draw such negative attention to us. They said I couldn't even contact you to find out if it was true. And even when I found out it wasn't true they still wouldn't let me call you. I shouldn't have listened to them. I should have tried harder to contact you, and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I'm sorry. Really really sorry." Your voice starts to sound choked up.

_I won't let you trick me with your tears. I won't. I won't. I won't._

But I know that I'll give in. I know I will.

"Mitchie, the last year has been the worst of my life."

_That makes two of us._

"And I don't deserve you, but please Mitchie, forgive me. Please, I'm begging you."

_I can hear that._

"Please let me back in."

Tears threaten to spill from my eyes.

"Ring me Mitchie when you're ready to talk. I'm not going to be happy until you do."

_Manipulating me. Again._

"Please Mitchie."

_I'm not going to let him have what he wants. I'm not._

And then I break down. "Okay."

You sound satisfied, "Thank you Mitchie. I love you."

I don't reply.

_So now you tell me._

"Bye Mitchie."

And then there is the sound of the dial tone and I am sitting with the phone in my hand. Tears are streaming down my cheeks.

I don't want to let you back in. Even though I love you. I told you that before, but you laughed it off. Ironically just when you love me, I don't want to love you anymore.

But I do. You just can't control love.

And the only reason that I don't want to love you is because I'm afraid.

Afraid of how in love we were, and the hurt that came when I thought you had forgotten me; afraid of being hurt again; afraid of the fact that you love me more than life itself and what that could mean for me. For both of us.

Afraid.

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**Good, bad, yes, no? What do you think?**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki**


	4. Love

_Here is chapter 4 for you my lovelies. It's a short one, but I quite like it. :D_

_I hope you do too. :)_

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**4. LOVE**

**_SPOV:_**

I love you.

Three words. Eight letters. Half a second to say.

But words that could make or break everything we have.

Over the past year I have learnt a lot. I have learnt that love is not something to be taken lightly as I did in the past. It's not something that should be laughed off, talked scornfully about, forgotten.

I thought it was funny when you said that you loved me. I thought you were joking.

Sure, I knew that I was in love with you. But I thought that being in love was just the giddy feeling I had when you held my hand or whispered my name, or called me crying in the middle of the night – because I was the only one who could make everything better.

But I didn't know that I loved you. That love went beyond what was on the surface, beyond the superficial, beyond the giggles and notes.

And now that I've realized that you were for real. Love was for real. You were right. Love was right.

Funny how it's only now that I've realized it, you might not love me anymore. Perhaps everything between us is over. Perhaps I was too late.

You couldn't possibly understand how hard it was to be separated from you. I know that your life over the past year was probably terrible. Because of me. And I know I broke your heart. But even though your year was bad, can you imagine how hard it was for me to know that I was breaking your heart, and not be able to do anything about it?

I'm a terrible person. Really I am. Who would do that to someone else? Someone who they loved?

Me. Because I cared more about the band and about my publicist and what I thought the record label and the fans and everyone else wanted, than I did about you.

Ouch.

But when I realized that love was real, then I knew that whatever they said didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Only you.

And now that you probably don't love me, I love you. Love is so fickle really. It only takes a moment to say, but it takes a lifetime to try and escape from its effect.

All I can say is that I want you back. Because I know that what we have is real.

Love.

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**What can I say except that I will LOVE you if you take the time to review. Hey that rhymed. :P**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki**


	5. Night

_Another brief chapter for you... hope you like it. :)_

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**5. NIGHT**

**_MPOV:_**

Night.

That's what it felt like when you were gone. That's what it still feels like. 'Cause I'm confused. Now that you've rung and told me that you do love me after all, I don't know what to think.

All I know is that I think I still love you. And I think I want to let you back in. Even after all you've done.

Sue me.

So right now I'm sitting by my window. It's about 4 in the morning. I can't sleep so I'm thinking about you.

Again.

The sky is dark. It's a piece of midnight velvet pinpricked with tiny dots of light.

I can't make up my mind. I feel like I've been put in a washer, flung backwards and forwards, spun around and around, pegged out and put on the line to dry. I'm exhausted from trying to make sense of what you said.

You never told me that you loved me before. I think you'd forgotten that. You always talked rather scornfully about love. You didn't want to be tied down. You wanted the fun of being in love but you didn't want the commitment that you thought that true love would bring. You were always a bit of a free spirit. Little did you know then that love was what we had all along.

You know now though. I know you do.

I stare out at the sky again. Perhaps hidden somewhere in the shadows is the answer. Perhaps it's behind those midnight clouds. Perhaps it's just around the corner. Or perhaps it's so obvious that I'm looking right at it, but I still can't see it.

Then I stop suddenly. I think I know the answer.

I think it's you.

So I reach for my phone. I know it's early, but I know that you'll be awake. I know that you're waiting for me. And I know that the sooner the waiting is over then the sooner you'll be happy.

We'll both be happy.

I put your number in and press dial. Perhaps the darkest hour is just before dawn.

Perhaps it's time for both of us to be happy again.

I can hear the phone begin to ring. Maybe it's almost time for the sun to come up.

Night.

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**Reviews make my life. :)**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki**


	6. Day

_Here's the 6th chapter... just for you. :)_

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**6. DAY**

**SPOV:**

I am lying in my bed. It is probably about 5 in the morning. The first streaks of day have not yet come through my window. I don't think I've slept all night. And when I did sleep it wasn't a good sleep. I dreamt.

About you.

What a surprise. I don't think I've dreamt about anything else over the past year.

The phone rings then. It's your ringtone. I haven't heard it in almost a year. You had rung me for the first few weeks after I left without telling you what was going on. You had left messages. They were still on my phone. I still listened to them.

I just said I was tired; I hadn't slept. But not any more, not when I heard the phone.

I was out of bed and reaching for the phone before it had barely started ringing.

"Mitchie?"

"Shane," the voice was soft. "Did you really mean what you said?"

"About what? That I was sorry or that I loved you?"

"Both."

I smile. "Well both are true. I am sorry and I do love you."

There is the sound of a muffled sob on the other end of the line. "Shane," you are half laughing and half crying now. "I forgive you and I'm sorry too. I really do love you too."

"I know," I can't help the grin on my face. It's been a year since I heard you say my name. A year since I heard your voice. And I can't get enough of it. I can't stop smiling. Even if I wanted to (which I don't) I wouldn't be able to stop. I know if anyone walked in I would look like an idiot, but that's okay. It doesn't matter.

Nothing matters except you.

"Where are you?" I ask.

"At home."

"Well, don't move. I'm on my way."

I can hear you laughing. "Where are you?"

"In Los Angeles."

"That's what I thought." You're still laughing. "Are you really going to get on a plane and come home?"

"I really am." And I am. It doesn't matter about the band or the press conference planned for this morning or the radio interviews that I am meant to do this afternoon. It doesn't matter about the ten thousand screaming fans that I am meant to perform for tomorrow.

I just need to be with you. I need you. Now.

So I tell you that I love you one more time and hang up the phone. I can tell that you're smiling, just like I am.

I go to the window and look out. The sky is starting to lighten around the horizon. The first sunbeams are brightening the world. The land is beginning to be covered in warm golden sunshine.

Day.

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**Reviews make me happy. :D**


	7. Angel

_Hello from Australia my darlings. :) Now that wasn't long until I updated, was it?_

_This chapter was actually written about two months ago, but today on the plane I was looking out my window and I added some things to the story. Flying always amazes me. It's so unnatural, but it's so neat. I love being up in the sky, nothing above you, nothing holding you down. It's awesome. :)_

_Anyway, here's 'Angel'..._

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**7. ANGEL**

**SPOV:**

Right now I am suspended somewhere between earth and space. It's probably about lunchtime. I got on the first flight I could from LAX and I'll be with you by evening.

I can't stop smiling. Right now there's a guy wearing a green sweater sitting next to me. He keeps looking over at me strangely. Like I smell or something.

I sniff gingerly at my shirt.

Nope. If something smells, it's not me.

He's looking at me even stranger now. I guess he wondered why I was sniffing my shirt. I look back at him steadily. Maybe he's the one that smells.

Then my thoughts turn back to you.

As they always do.

I peer out the window at the top-sides of the clouds. It looks like I'm flying above some sort of arctic wasteland. Marshmallow white, with the sky a giant bowl of blue above. Funny how the sky is always blue up here. Maybe if I look hard enough I'll see one of those little angles, cherubs I think they're called, with harps sitting on one of the clouds. Then the clouds thin and I get a glimpse of the ground hundreds of feet below. I shake my head and laugh. _Wouldn't the cherubs fall right through the clouds?_

Green sweater guy gets up and walks away. He taps an elderly woman on the shoulder and points back at me. She smiles sweetly and they swap seats. She sits down next to me. She smells nice. Like lilacs. Unlike him.

She reaches into her purse and opens a small pocket Bible. "Are you saved young man?"

I look at her surprised, "Uh yes, I think so."

She smiles. "Good." She turns back to her Bible and I turn back to the window and sigh.

_This is an eternally long plane flight._

I just want to be with you so bad. It's been a year. And I need to hear you say my name. I need to feel your hand holding mine. I need to hold you and love you. I need to make up for what time I've lost.

When the plane lands I sprint for the exit, leaping into a taxi. We drive to your house. When I knock on the door your mom answers. She smiles and hugs me. "Shane. Mitchie's down the road. She said you'd know where to find her."

I smile back and dump my bags in the doorway. I know exactly where you'll be.

The place where we had our first kiss. The place where you told me you loved me. The last place I saw you before I left.

The headland.

I run down the road, cutting corners and jumping over trash cans. As I round the final corner I can see you. You're wearing your purple coat again. You're standing on the wall facing the ocean, arms outstretched above your head. Your hair is whipped back and your white skin glows as the last rays of sun dance around you.

As I stand there looking at you, so completely oblivious to anything except the ocean, I realize something. You're the one who's made me into who I am. You're the only one I love.

You're my…

Angel.

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**You know what to do. :)**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki**


	8. Chocolate

_You're going to like this chapter..._

_That's all I'll say. :P_

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**8. CHOCOLATE**

**MPOV:**

I can hear footsteps coming up behind me. I don't turn around. I'm lost in my own world. I'm looking at the sea; the way the sun dances across the top of the waves, the way the breakers roll towards the shore. I don't want to be interrupted. Not unless it's you.

Then I feel light hands on my waist and someone is picking me up and lifting me off the seawall. I turn and it's your face that I'm looking up at. Your beautiful face. The one that I thought that I might never see again. Well, that's a bit of a lie. I see you all the time on TV. That's one of the reasons why it was so hard to forget you – everywhere I turned something would remind me of you. Your face was on pencils at the dollar store; t-shirts at Wal-mart; blown up on a billboard on 52nd St.

But I never thought that you would look at me like that again.

Next thing I'm being crushed against your chest. Your arms are around me and you're hugging me as if you never want to let go. "Mitchie," you say, but then your voice catches and you stop.

I look up at you. You have tears in your eyes. So do I. I know what you're going to say, so I murmur. "Don't say anything. It's okay. I forgive you."

And you hold me tighter, your hands around my waist, mine around your neck. My cold cheek presses against your warm one. "I came as quickly as I could Mitchie."

"Sor –" you start to say, but I lift one finger to your lips.

"You don't need to apologize anymore. I've already forgotten about it. See," I say, picking up a pebble and throwing it into the water. "It's gone just like that."

I smile up at you and you bend down so that your forehead is against mine. You look me in the eyes.

"I love you," you say softly.

"I know," I say simply, linking my hands with yours. "And I love you too."

You look at me and tilt my chin up. "You don't know how hard it's been being away from you."

I just look at you. "Yes, I do. But it's okay now 'cause you're here."

You bring your face closer to mine, pausing, as if asking for permission. I nod and close the short distance between us. Your lips are soft and warm and I wind my fingers in your hair, bringing me closer to you.

After a minute I pull back breathlessly, laughing. "You taste like chocolate. It's making me hungry!"

You laugh too and we sit down on the wall together. "Well, it's a good thing I brought extra." You reach into your coat pocket and pull out a box. "For you."

I open it. Inside are 8 chocolates with a letter on each one.

"Ilow veeyoo," I sound out giggling.

You roll your eyes and laugh, pulling me closer to you and crashing your lips on mine again.

Chocolate.

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**Told you you would like it. Or did you? Let me know. :)**

**I'll tell you what I like...**

**YOU GUYS! Just because you're awesome. :D**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki**


	9. Dance

_So I totally didn't intend to post until tomorrow morning, but I decided to break with tradition and post this today. Just 'cause you guys are special like that. :)_

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**9. DANCE**

**SPOV:**

It's getting dark now. The last rays of sunlight have slipped behind the horizon. We're still sitting wrapped up in each other beside the ocean. I don't think that there is any place that I would rather be right now. I look down at you and for a moment I think you've fallen asleep.

Then you stir slightly and open your eyes, looking up at me. What I see there almost frightens me. You're offering me a gift – your love, yourself and everything that goes along with it. I say almost frightens because I feel the same way.

I don't deserve you, or your forgiveness. I don't deserve anything, but here you are unreservedly giving me everything you have, everything you are. I smile at you, softly, gently. I want to be the sort of person that you are. I don't want to manipulate you like I used to. I want to be able to give you the love that you deserve. I unconsciously wrap my arms tighter around you.

You giggle and squirm out of embrace. You stand up in front of me and bend down, kissing my cheek lightly. You hold out your hand and I take it, standing up.

"Let me show you something." I nod and allow you to lead me down the road further. "I know you've seen it before, but it was different then."

I'm confused, but I nod, pretending I know what you're talking about. We round the corner and you stop. I almost bump into you. "Wait for it." You look at your watch. I can see your lips moving slightly as you count. Then you look up again.

And suddenly in the dim twilight there is a flash of light, pulsing through the air. You laugh joyously and pull me with you so that we are standing bathed in the glorious yellow glow.

The lighthouse.

Then you're running, dragging me with you out along the pier by the lighthouse. "Dance with me." I look at you. "Dance with me Shane." So I take your hand and hold you close to me, drinking in your smell.

You are laughing as I spin you out dangerously close to the edge of the pier. I laugh with you and pick you up, turning you around and around, your hair flying out behind you. As I hold you up, you put both hands on my cheeks and kiss me soundly.

Being with you just feels so right. You feel so right. I look at you and you grin back. _I love you._

I want to stay frozen in this moment forever. I don't want to leave this place. I don't want to go back to LA, to the busy life of the band. I just want to be with you. I kiss your lips and then spin you around again, your laughter filling the night air.

Dance.

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**I know, I know. Fluffy, fluffy, fluffy. Forgive me? :)**


	10. Sleep

_Sorry... this chapter is a short one. The next couple are too. I'll update again tomorrow before I have to go back to work. :)_

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**10. SLEEP**

**MPOV:**

Sleep.

For the first time in a year, one whole night of pure uninterrupted sleep. I could never sleep before. I used to stay up watching TV, wondering where you were, why you didn't call. But now that you're back, now that you're sorry, I can sleep. Knowing that you're next door helps. Mom said that you could stay as long as you wanted. She's good like that. She just forgave you, even though she knew how much you hurt me.

I don't think you can stay long though because you have to get back to the band, but you told me something today. You said that you were going to move back to New York. The only reason that you moved to LA was because you didn't want to be reminded of me and of what you had done. Your publicist pushed you to move. He said that it would be best for the band that way.

But now you're coming back. I couldn't be happier. I know things are going to change now. I know that it will be hard to go back to school. I just keep telling myself that there are only a few more months and school will be over forever. Well, until college that is.

I don't want to think about that now though. I only want to think about you. How perfect you are. You can't imagine what it was like to get something back that you thought was gone forever. Maybe there's truth in the saying that if you love something you should let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.

You came back to me. Does that mean that it's forever?

I laugh lightly, my face pressed against the pillow so that no one can hear. I'm only 17. I feel anciently old, but eternally young at the same time. I think I'm invincible, but I know that nothing lasts forever.

I roll over and close my eyes again. Maybe we can be the first thing that lasts until eternity. Maybe. Maybe.

Sleep.

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**If you liked it let me know...**

**I love you all,**

**-Nikki**


	11. Warm

_Another brief chapter for you my dears. I will probably be updating quite a lot over the next few days. I want to wrap both this story and Escaping Gravity up in about 10 more chapters. Maybe a couple more or less. I don't know... they're not written yet._

_Anyway, for the time being... enjoy this. :)_

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**11. WARM**

**SPOV:**

It's morning but it's still dark and I don't think I'm quite awake yet. I'm somewhere between being asleep and being awake. All I know is that I feel very well rested.

Then there is a loud crash outside. I wake with a start, then relax. It's just thunder. I smile slightly. I love storms. They're so wild and untamable. I crawl further under the blankets, determined to go back to sleep.

Then there is the patter of footsteps and I can feel a soft pressure on the covers. They lift and then a small body climbs in next to me. It's you. I roll over and look at you lying next to me.

"What's up Mitchie?" I ask sleepily.

"Nothing," you say, resting your head my arm.

"You're not afraid of the storm?"

"No," you shake your head. "But I'll say that I am if you'll let me stay."

I laugh. "I'll let you stay anyway."

"Good," you say closing your eyes and rolling over so that your back is against my chest.

"But really, is everything okay?"

"Yes, I just wanted to be with you."

I smile and pull you closer, wrapping my arms around you, your body fitting perfectly with mine. I kiss your hair and run my fingers down your sides, holding you tight against me. "I love you," I murmur.

I can tell you are almost asleep, and my eyes are starting to droop again too. But just before I succumb to sleep once more I hear the faint sound of an answering whisper from you.

"I love you too."

I don't want to get up. I don't want to ever move from this place. I just want to stay lying here, loving you forever.

Warm.

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**Did I mention that I love reviews? Well I do. :)**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki**


	12. Bath

_There is nothing to say._

_Except:_

_Nicky - OwnTheNight - is awesome and a sweetheart and all those other wonderful adjectives that my tired brain can't think up right now. And she made me a banner for this story and for Escaping Gravity and I would LOVE it if you had a look at them. They're on both my profile page and hers. They're excellent and I love them way more than I can say._

_I love you girls too._

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**12. BATH**

**MPOV:**

It is raining outside. Strange that it should rain right now. It doesn't feel like rainy weather. It doesn't feel cold and wet and miserable. It doesn't feel blue. It doesn't feel like a Jonah day.

It feels like the sun should be shining, the sky should be blue, that all the world should be as happy as I am right now.

So I take your hand. You're sitting at the table eating pancakes. Chocolate chip pancakes, and I pull you up.

You look confused. "What are you doing?"

I just laugh and pull you with me towards the door. "Let's go for a walk."

"A walk?" You are still confused.

"Yes."

"Without a coat?"

"Yes," I say firmly. "Just like this."

And I run out into the rain, pulling you with me, twirling around, jumping in puddles, splashing you, screaming with laughter.

Now you are laughing too. "Just as well I didn't shower yet!"

"I know," I shout over the sound of the pouring rain. You grab me and hold me against your chest. I can feel your heart beating through your thin t-shirt. I'm still laughing and the rain is still pouring down. It is one of those perfect moments.

Then mom comes to the front door and calls out, "You'll catch your death of cold out there Mitchie."

I don't care. I couldn't care less if I died right here in your arms with the rain streaming down both of our faces. It would be perfect.

But I go inside anyway and mom says, "I ran the tub for you." She turns to you and tells you that you can use the shower in her room if you would like.

"Okay," you say and you hold my hand all the way to the bathroom. You kiss me before I shut the door, leaving you outside in the hall. "I miss you," you call.

"I miss you more," I giggle and I hear your footsteps recede down the hall as I strip off and get it into the tub.

Warm water slides over me and I sigh contentedly, lying back.

Bath.

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**Review? For me?**

**-Nikki**

**xoxo**


	13. School

_So with this chapter we are one step closer to... love, happiness? I don't know. One step closer to 100 steps anyway._

_Although to tell the truth, I doubt it will end up much more than 20 chapters._

_Anyway, here we go..._

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**13. SCHOOL**

**MPOV:**

"So to find the answer to the square root equation you…" Mr. Samuels voice drones on and on.

I hate math. Oh how I hate school altogether right now. Sitting in a classroom with the rain falling on the windowpanes outside is depressing me. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be thinking about math.

Or anything in fact, except you.

Mom said I had to come back to school today. She already let me have a day off. A day to spend with you. But I can't miss any more school. Because over the past year I have had 'sick' day after 'sick' day. In case you couldn't tell, I wasn't sick. It just felt like I was.

So I am sitting here, physically in my math class, pencil in my hand, friend Gabby on my right – she's trying to whisper to me about what Blake said Alice told her about Jesse before school. I couldn't care less.

On my other side is David. He's the school dork. The one who threw up in the fish tank in science class back in 5th grade. That's not something that you can ever live down. Right now he's trying to copy my answers. I'm too distracted to care. I glance down at what I've written under "factorise this equation". It says "Mitchie 3 Shane". I glance at David. He copied that down too.

"David!" I hiss and he looks up. "That's not the answer!"

But he carries on obliviously.

So I am here, physically in my math class, but my mind is totally in a different place. I am looking out the window when a voice cuts through my daydream. "Miss. Torres?"

_Uh oh. Busted._

"Yes Mr. Samuels?"

"Come up to the front and expand this equation. The sum is (n-1)(2+n)(5-n)."

I walk up to the front and stand there for a minute, just looking at the equation, before there is a knock on the door. It is the hall monitor and she is carrying a yellow slip of paper.

A yellow slip means freedom. But who for?

"Miss. Torres," Mr. Samuels frowns at me from over the top of his glasses. "I see you have been saved by the bell, metaphorically speaking. You are needed at the office. Take your things. You won't be coming back."

I nod and pick up my bag, running down the hall, ignoring the evil eye that Miss. Montegory is giving me from out the window of her 9th grade math class.

Standing in the office is you. You smile as I approach, gesturing for me to follow you outside. As soon as we are out of sight of the prying office lady's eyes you open your arms and I run into them, jumping up and wrapping my legs around your waist.

All I know is that you plus me equals happiness.

You hold me tight to you, kissing me hard, laughing as I run my fingers through your hair.

Now that's the kind of math I understand.

Oh how I love school.

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**Hope you liked that!**

**Btw... there was something that was different about this chapter to all the others. It's only something little. Can you guess what it was?**

**Anyway, right now I have to go to work so I'll have to love ya and leave ya. :)**

**-Nikki**


	14. Mad

_Next chapter for you my dears. Just because you're awesome. :D_

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**14. MAD**

**SPOV:**

"Are you mad?!"

That's the first thing that Nate says to me when I ring him. I guess I kind of deserve it. After all I've been in Jersey for two days now and I've missed countless interviews, not to mention that press conference where I was supposed to 'break down and tell them that you have decided that you don't like being the bad boy of the press any more'. Blah blah blah.

My whole life is scripted.

Not any more.

I guess I should have told Nate and Jason more than what I did. I should have left more than two lines scribbled on a post-it note. _'Gone to Mitchie's_.' I should have answered their calls. But I didn't and it's done now so it doesn't matter.

"No Nate," I say, trying to be patient. "I'm not."

"But what, how, I mean, why did you all of a sudden decide that you needed to see Mitchie. Why now Shane? Why couldn't you have waited until after the press conference was over?"

Because love doesn't wait for a press conference.

It waits for no one.

"Because I didn't want to."

And Nate sighs in frustration because he knows he won't get anything more out of me. "So are you going to tell me when you'll be back?"

"After the weekend."

"Good, and then we can start trying to patch up the mess you've made."

"Goodbye Nate." I don't want to talk about it anymore.

"Shane?" Just before I hang up I hear his voice again. It is softer this time. Less annoyed. More like brother Nate and less like the-serious-one-of-the-band Nate.

"Yeah?"

"I'm happy for you, I mean I'm glad that things are good with you and Mitchie again."

I smile. "Thanks man."

I hang up and then there is a knock on the door. I look up and you're there. Your face is worried. "Is he okay? Were they very upset?"

"He asked me if I was mad."

"Mad?" you laugh and come over and sit at the table next to me. You take my face in your hands and kiss me sweetly. "Well maybe we are."

Mad.

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**Please remember to review! :D**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki**


	15. Stars

_So are you ready for some more fluff?_

_*waits for answer*_

_Well, okay then... here you go! :D :D_

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**15. STARS**

**SPOV:**

"She was on her way to her Mars, then she ran into a star and she fell into my arms. Thank you gravity," I sing as we walk down the road.

You laugh and poke me in the side. "Where did you come up with a song like that any way?"

I laugh too. "I don't even know. I guess inspiration just hit me and I knew that I was a genius."

"You were a genius, or the song?"

"Both I guess, but mostly me."

You grin at me.

"Did you say something?" I ask. "I can't even hear you over the sound of how epic I am."

You poke me again and laugh. "You're so stuck up!"

"I know. But you know you love me," I tease

You look at me. "Actually I do."

And we laugh together. Again.

It's probably almost midnight. Your mom is sleeping, but I'm a rebel. You are not. But I am making you into one.

I don't know whether that's good or bad.

Either way, I suggested we sneak out and go for a walk. Dear mama will be none the wiser, I said. And you laughed and went along with me. Like you always do.

So we walk, hand in hand, down the road. We talk about the band, about school, about stars. You still believe in wishing on them. I didn't used to. But I think I'm changing my mind. I'm making you into a rebel. Maybe you're making me into a dreamer.

"That one," you say suddenly, and you point. It's hard to know which star you're pointing at seeing as there are about a million billion of them out there. But I nod anyway and pretend I know.

"What about it?"

"It's ours."

"Ours?"

As if our story couldn't get any more sappy, now we have a star. Cliché. But adorable. So I smile at you. "It's perfect."

"Like you?"

"Yes," I say and then realize what I just said. "Well, not that I think I'm perfect, but well, you know…" I stop because I am just digging myself a hole.

You laugh and it is the tinkling of small crystal bells in an empty cathedral. "Gotcha."

And then you run down the road, daring me to chase you, to catch you, to hold you, to love you. And I run after you, the sky smiling down at us as I reach you. I spin you around so that you're facing me and I look at your laughing face. Your eyes shine up at me and I smile at you.

Stars.

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**I liked that chapter. :) Cocky Shane is adorable. But then again I think every facet of Shane is adorable. :)**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki**


	16. Moon

_So it feels like I should be posting this at night time, seeing as the last chapter was about stars and this is about the moon. But it's not night and I won't make you wait until it is to read this. :P_

_Here it is! :D_

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**16. MOON**

**MPOV:**

"Doesn't the moon creep you out sometimes?"

"What do you mean?" you turn to me and raise your eyebrows. "I haven't really thought about the moon being creepy before."

"Well it's always there and it's always watching you."

"Big brother's watching you," you draw the words out.

I hit your shoulder. "I'm serious."

"About what?"

Are you purposefully playing dumb? Or are you just hyper because it's four in the morning and we haven't slept all night?

I hit you again and you look at me, a mock wounded expression on your face. Then you grin. "Uh no. I don't think I've ever thought of it in quite that way before."

"Well I have and it's creepy."

"The moon is an inanimate object Mitchie. It can't get you."

"My cousin Will is afraid of tomato sauce."

You look at me. "That's weird."

"I know."

I lean back and you put your arm around me. There is silence for a minute and then you speak. "But what if you choose to think about it in terms of it always being there. And no matter where you are in the world, you can see it."

"So?"

"Well, when I go back to LA I won't be able to see you physically. But I can see the moon and you can see the moon. So in a way it'll kind of be like we're together even though I'm not."

"Aw," I say softly. "That's sweet."

You kiss the top of my head lightly and I can feel you smiling into my hair.

Then I turn around. "But you know it's not exactly night time in LA and New York at the same time."

You look at me. "Way to spoil the mood Mitchie," you complain. "I was trying to be romantic." But you laugh so I know you don't really care.

I laugh too. "And I love you for it."

And I look at you, your face shining in the moonlight. Maybe you're right. Maybe that is a link between us. Maybe we can be together even when we're apart. Maybe. You never know.

Moon.

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**My cousin Will really is afraid of tomato sauce. It's hilarious. Just thought I'd put that out there. :P**

**Please review! **

**Love you :)**

**-Nikki**


	17. Sun

_Chapter 17 for you... only 3 more to go and then I think I'll be wrapping this story up. I know, I know... I didn't make it to 100. You'll find out why next week. :)_

_Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed it! :D_

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**17. SUN**

**SPOV:**

It's our last night together. Before I have to go back to LA. Not our last night together forever. Of course not. That would be insane.

But what you don't know is that I'm coming back, sooner than you think. Much sooner than you think. But shhh, don't tell anyone that. It'll be our secret.

We are still outside, but I know we'll have to go back soon. Otherwise your mom will wake up and freak out and then she'll never trust me again. Or maybe she will. She seems pretty cool like that.

But we still ought to go back soon.

Not right yet though.

It's so comfortable here. We're down by the lighthouse again. We're sitting on the ground, leaning against the seawall. You wanted to sit _on_ the seawall, but I didn't think that was such a great idea. Not when we'd been up all night and could fall asleep any minute.

And as it turns out I was right (aren't I always?) because right now you are asleep, curled up in my arms like a child. Your dark hair rests lightly on your cheeks and I have to resist the urge to touch it. To touch you.

My hands have a mind of their own though. It's like I can't control myself. When love takes over, reason has no power whatsoever.

So I put my hands on your cheeks and lean down, kissing you lightly. You stir slightly. "No," you mumble against my lips. "Need to sleep," and your head flops back against my arm.

I kiss you harder and eventually you open your eyes and look at me.

You laugh. Well you try to laugh. It's kind of hard right now seeing how our lips are sort of connected.

Finally you break away and laugh properly, gasping for air. "God Shane, that's one way to wake up!"

"You know you love it."

"I know," you say and you look at me. "I do."

I stand up then and help you up to. "I wanted you to see something." And I pull you out along the pier. We sit down on the end, looking out at the sea, watching as the sky starts to lighten, the blackness starts to turn to grey.

"Look," I say and I point. The sky starts to lighten around the horizon. A streak of gold spreads across the sky. The heavens start to turn yellow and orange. And as the great golden sphere starts to rise above the sea I turn to you. You are looking up at me, your face a gift, letting me know that right now you are giving yourself to me. You are looking at me as if I am life itself.

I know how you feel. You are my life. Without you I am nothing. With you I am complete. I am whole. I am me.

You lean towards me and place your warm lips on mine, softly, gently.

Sun.

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**Aw yes... more cheesy fluff. :P**

**Hope it's not making you sick!**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki**


	18. Fly

_Chapter 18 for you... :D :D_

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**18. FLY**

**MPOV:**

You are leaving today. I know you'll be back in a few weeks, maybe less, maybe more, but you leaving still hurts.

I don't want you to go. The last few days have been perfect. Magical. A fairytale. I want you to stay here with me. And as selfish as it is, I want you to stay forever.

I don't want to share you with the screaming fans, with the intrusive paparazzi, with the stupid gossip bloggers who think they know everything about you.

How can they know everything about you when they don't know about me?

I am a part of you, so until they know me they can never know you.

That thought comforts me somewhat.

But I am still sad as you pack your bags and pile them into the car. I try not to cry as you kiss my mom's cheek and shake my dad's hand. You say, "See you soon!" to them and my eyes fill up with tears.

It's not soon. Every second apart from you feels like a week, every day an eternity.

On the way to the airport you smile and laugh, singing along with the radio. "Don't be sad," you say and look at me, your eyes twinkling.

I am confused. Well, why aren't _you_ sad? After all, after today I'm not going to see you for a while. Maybe ages. Maybe more. I don't even know. You won't tell me when you'll be back.

And you keep laughing, like it's really not important and like you know something that I don't. Maybe you do?

"I'll be back before you know it," and you smile.

I wonder briefly if you're coming back sooner than I thought you were, but I brush off the idea. Surely you would have told me if you were.

You keep humming and then stop as we get closer to the airport. "I love flying," you say randomly.

I smile at you for the first time since we left my house. "So do I."

"It's like you're free – nothing's holding onto you. Nothing."

And I smile again, because at times you are immature, while at other times, like now, you are surprisingly… deep.

In the airport, by the security check in, you turn to me. You brush my hair back from my face and the tears from my eyes. "Don't cry," you kiss me gently, in the same place where the tears had run down my cheeks seconds before. "Don't cry," you say again. Then you kiss me gently and I melt into you, enjoying your embrace, enjoying you, before you leave.

I try to hold onto you, but eventually you have to go and you pull away from me. You are smiling still. You walk towards the gate and just before you go through you turn back and wave over your shoulder.

I smile shakily and then sit down to wait by the windows. This airport is so small that you have to walk across the tarmac to get to the plane. After what feels like an age of waiting, your tiny figure walks out onto the tarmac.

I wave, but you aren't looking at me.

You climb up the stairs to the plane, and I wave again. But you still aren't looking at me.

Then, just when I'm feeling like crying again, you turn. Your eyes brighten and you smile broadly and you kiss your hand towards me. If I squint I can see you mouthing, "Don't cry."

Then you're gone.

And I sit there and watch as the plane doors shut, the ground workers scurry around like ants, preparing for take-off. And I think about you, sitting there and I hope you miss me as much as I miss you.

And I hope you were right to say that I shouldn't cry. I hope you'll be back sooner than I thought.

Then the plane starts to taxi along the runway and I picture you, waving out the window, loving me right now, just like I'm loving you.

Fly.

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**So, "don't cry"... Shane will be back some time.**

**But then again, you already knew that. :)**

**I love you! :D**

**-Nikki**


	19. Surprise!

_Surprise! Here's a chapter!_

_Okay, so that wasn't really a surprise, but never mind... I hope this chapter makes you happy, surprise or no. :)_

_Oh and thank you so much for all the reviews - you guys are fantastic. And a special shoutout to whisperingtotherain for the lovely review she left earlier. That made my day. :)_

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**19. SURPRISE!**

**SPOV:**

Heartless, you may call me, but I'm not. Insensitive maybe? I'm not that either. A jerky heartthrob or temperamental pop star? Well no, that's not me.

Maybe once upon a time. But not anymore.

So why, you ask, did I not tell you that I was coming back only the next weekend?

Because I'm still a kid and I like surprises. So I figured you'd like one too.

But don't think I didn't miss you. Because I did. And don't think I don't love you. Because I do.

I just wanted it to be a surprise.

I'm moving back to New York. Next weekend. Well, it was next weekend then. It's today, now. And I can't wait.

Nate and Jason weren't very happy when I told them, but who cares? You're more important than the band. I mean, one day the band is going to be over. Face it, that's the reality of the situation. One day I really will be a washed up pop star that the next generation will look back on and laugh at because of my tight jeans and shaggy hair.

What? I will say to them. It was cool then.

But you and me? Well, I don't think that ever has to be over.

And besides, Nate and Jason can just as easily live in New York and we can manage the band from there. It might even work out for the best seeing as Nate's psycho ex still lives in Cali and keeps trying to hunt him down. It's driving him crazy. He can hide in New York.

See, it's the best of both worlds.

No pun intended.

But anyway, back to you. So right now I am in a cab, on my way back to your house from the airport. That's right, I'm coming back. To you. And you don't know it.

Your parents do though. They say I can stay with you for a few weeks until my apartment in the city gets sorted out. I can't wait. Not for the moving-to-the-city part, but for the staying-with-you part. You wouldn't be able to wait if you knew either. But you don't know. 'Cause it's a surprise.

I'm about to turn into your street now. I've missed you. It's been four days, eleven hours and fifty-two minutes since I saw you. Probably fifty-three minutes by the time I pull up outside your house.

That's four days, eleven hours and fifty-two minutes of missing you. But in approximately 47 seconds I won't have to miss you anymore. Because I'll be with you.

Sure, I might still have to go away sometimes. With the band and everything, that will be inevitable (seeing as we're not quite washed up pop stars yet). But that's okay, we're stronger than that.

Love is stronger than that.

And then before I know it, I am outside your house. I am getting out of the car, not even bothering to shut the door behind me. I can see your mom's face at the kitchen window, she is smiling. Then she turns around to call someone. You, probably.

So I stand at the door and compose myself, touching my hair to make sure it's just right. Then I knock three times. I can hear your mom. "Mitchie, get the door!"

And then there is footsteps and the door opens.

I wish you could see your face when you see me.

You throw yourself into my arms, burying your face in my neck, hugging me as if you don't even want to let me go.

"What, how, I mean, what?!"

I laugh and press you up against the door, kissing you hard.

Surprise!

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**One more chapter and this baby will be all wrapped up. And beribboned and put under the Christmas tree.**

**Okay, so not the last part, but in less than 48 hours it will indeed be finished.**

**What do you think, are you sad that it will be over? Or have you had enough already?**

**lovelovelove**

**-Nikki :D**


	20. Different

_This is the last chapter, the last step in the 100 Steps to Love story. I didn't make it to 100 chapters, but the reason why is a really long story. If you'd like to read a little of that story then check out the last chapter of Escaping Gravity which I am going to post later today. _

_Right now I want to say thank you. Thank you for reading this story. If you have loved reading it, then I am glad. Truly glad, because I have loved writing it. Out of all the stories I have ever written, this is the one that has come the most easily to me. Writing is has felt really natural. Perhaps because most of this story has been thoughts, and I lot of the time they've been my thoughts. Perhaps because this is my favourite style to write in – first person and stream of consciousness (or rather, my amateur attempt at stream of consciousness). I don't know. All I know is that I have loved writing this._

_So thank you. You readers really are the cheese to my crackers and the milk to my oreos and all that. You've been my muses and I love you for it._

_Here's the last chapter. Surprisingly, it's not… different. :)_

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**20. DIFFERENT**

**MPOV:**

I still can't get over the fact that you're actually here. Actually with me. Again.

I thought for sure that you'd be gone for ages. You said you would come back, and I trusted you. But I didn't know that you'd be back quite so soon.

But you are, and I love you for it.

So I smile at you across the dinner table and you smile back. You stretch your legs out under the table and put your foot on my own, a silent reminder that you're there, that you love me, even though you can't say it right now.

"This is delicious Mrs. Torres," you say, but your eyes are locked on mine.

Mom smiles and looks at you, then at me, then back at you. Then she smiles again. "Well I'm glad you like it."

She looks at Dad then and raises her eyebrows. I hardly notice 'cause I'm looking at you.

"Um, Mrs. Torres," you say suddenly. "Would you um, mind if Mitchie and I were excused?"

Mom laughs out loud and looks at Dad again. He nods and they smile at each other. I briefly remember that they were young and in love once too. You don't often think about your parents knowing how you feel, but right now I think Mom knows.

She knows that I need to be with you. Right now.

"Of course."

But before, the words are even finished coming out of her mouth I am dragging you towards the kitchen and dumping our half-finished plates in the sink. You pull your coat on and hand mine to me.

"We'll be back later," I call and I hear Mom and Dad laugh again.

"Finally," I say as soon as we are outside. You take my hand and start to pull me down the road. "Where are we going?"

This time it is me asking. Not you.

"Just wait," you say, but I hardly need to ask, because when we round the corner to the lighthouse I am not surprised. This is our place.

I walk out onto the pier and stand there. You come up behind me and put your arms around me as the light from the lighthouse flashes. On. Off. On. Off.

I turn slightly in your arms. "Why are you here?"

You smile. "Because I'm moving to New York."

"I know that, but I mean, why are you here with me, right now, at the lighthouse?"

You smile again. "Because I want to ask you something."

You turn me around so that I am wrapped up in your arms, your face inches from mine. "Mitchie," you say, and the way you say my name makes me want to cry. Or laugh. I don't know which.

"Mitchie," you say again. "I love you."

"I know," I say. "I love you too."

"And I know you're only seventeen and I'm not even twenty, but I want to promise you something," you take one arm from around me and reach into your pocket. "I want to promise you that I'm always going to be here for you. There was a time when I wasn't here for you and you know that killed me, just as much as it killed you. This time though," you say and then you pause. "This time I want it to be different."

You hold out a box towards me. I smile. "What is it?"

"Open it," you say and smile, so I unwrap the ribbon.

As I open the lid you say softly, "It's a promise ring. For you. Because I'm promising that one day we'll be together forever. We're only young now, but one day we'll never have to be apart. I promise you that Mitchie."

Tears have come to my eyes and I hold my hand out, you slipping the ring onto my ring finger gently. "This Mitchie," you say, and I can tell you are trying not to cry. "This is for when I am on tour, or in the city, for when there are times when I can't see you for weeks. You can look at it and remember me, remember us and remember that I'll always come back. With this ring I'm promising you that one day in the future, when we're older, we will be married, and I am promising you that I won't ever leave you. Ever," you finish fiercely and that's when the tears spill over onto my cheeks.

"I love you," I say and I smile up at you.

I know that things aren't always going to be easy. I know that, but it's okay. You have promised yourself to me and right now, I am promising myself to you. Things might be hard – there will be times when I will miss you, when I will cry for you, when I will be jealous over you because of the other girls who get to spend time with you.

But it's okay because things are different this time.

You take my face in your warm hands. "I love you too," you say and then your lips have crashed down onto mine, you are filling me with your warmth, with your strength, with your love. And I smile into the kiss and bring my hands up to the back of your head, pulling you closer if that's even possible, kissing you with everything that I have inside of me, everything I am.

Different.

**-The End-**

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**_

**So there you have it. The End. I hope you enjoyed it! :)**

**Have a happy Christmas and stay safe. I hope Santa brings you everything you wanted, plus a little something extra as a surprise. Don't expect Shane to be under your tree though, 'cause I'm pretty sure he'll be under mine. :P**

**Anyway, thank you again. Thank you, thank you, thank you.**

**I love you all.**

**-Hannah**

**(Yep, that's me. I told you that you could just call me Nikki. I never said that was my name. :P)**


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